Introspection

Every now and thenⁱ I give a little thought to what I'm doing. And to what I've done. At least in terms of this blog. I suspect that by this time you're bored with what I have to say and find it tedious, tendentious, and repetitious. Perhaps it is. But I'm writing this for me, not for you. And since that's the case, there's nothing to be gained by my reading previous essays to find out what I said. Doing so might make this more coherent and less repetitious, but it would really be a waste of my time,ⁱⁱ since there are some things I want to say now, if only to myself. And it's probably only to myself since I've made it a policy not to let anyone know about this effort. According to the statistics I've seen, some people have come across it by chance, but that's not my problem. And they're smart enough not to sign up to read these essays regularly. But I'll keep producing them. I've probably passed the point where there's anything to be gained by trying to read them all.ⁱⁱⁱ However that's your loss, and it's of no consequence to me.

In all likelihood, therefore, I'm repeating myself. That's what happens when you don't read previous essays and when your views remain static. It even happens when your not suffering from dementia. I've forgotten things all my life and age hasn't improved my memory.^iv Or anything else, for that matter. So I write whatever crosses my mind – whether I've done so before or not.

I'm thinkin', and clearly I'm not alone in the notion, “There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a pen to write.^v” (Nowadays it's a computer.) Actually, I've been thinking that for a long time, and when I came across the quote I knew that I had found some vindication for what I had been doing all my life. Not that I needed one, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who writes because it provides the opportunity to think a matter through.

Most of my life I have written. I enjoy it. It's therapy and education at the same time. For the most part, I do it for myself, so once I've written something that satisfies me, I throw it away or I put it away and forget it. My files and my garbage can are bulging.^vi I take to writing when I have some thoughts on a subject that I'd like to work through. Setting my thoughts on paper^vii forces me to work them out in my mind.

And working them out means that there are times when I have to read about a subject which has interested me for some time, but was always peripheral to what I was doing. So I let it slip or forgot about it. Making the decision to write about something – to clarify it in my mind – means making the decision to do whatever additional reading and searching that I need to satisfy me that my thoughts are as I would have them. And that's not always the case. It isn't unusual to find that an idea I have – usually one I have had all my life – lacks the merit I attributed to it. I had been seduced into believing something years earlier with glib arguments which I didn't question at the time. Or I realize that the subject of interest to me – the one I want to clarify – is already well written about. Perhaps overexposed. As King Solomon said, “There's nothing new under the sun.”^viii

Of course that doesn't stop me. I'm smarter than everyone else. I don't call me “The Imperious Loudmouth” for nothing. Solomon may have been the smartest man of his time, but I'm well up there in mine. No one recognizes that because I haven't advertised it, but trust me. I am. So my thoughts on the subject are superior to the ones out there.

Having titled this essay “Introspection,” I realize there's a lot more about me that I'd like to say, but it will have to wait for a better opportunity. In the meantime I'll just think deep thoughts.

Next episode: “To Each His Or Her Own” – You don't like, you don't buy.  Maybe.

PS -- Happy All Fool's Day.

i     And now it's now.

ii    It would probably also be counterproductive. I would (according to someone who made up a dumb rule, “should” is preferable to “would.” Hard cheese. I don't care. I like “would” better) probably shy away from writing about something I had already discussed. Since the purpose of the blog is to give me the opportunity to vent whatever is on my mind it would be a shame if I decided against doing so because I had had the thought before.

iii    Actually, I probably passed that point a long time ago.

iv    Of course I have no proof that I haven't suffered dementia all my life.

v    William Makepeace Thackeray, cited in A Word A Day, by Anu Garg.

vi    So am I, for that matter.

vii    Actually it's the computer screen.

viii   Or anywhere else for that matter.