Miñana

 

It doesn't matter what the schedule says, some people will be late. Changing the schedule to account for them works only once. They learn quickly, even if they can't learn anything else. And there's always an excuse.

That's the sad story of the minyan, the quorum of ten Jewish men needed for communal prayer. Actually the same problem exists for all get-togethers, whether social events or committee meetings. But for most of them the number is less critical. So I'll discuss the reasons given for lateness at minyan, recognizing that with minor exceptions the same will apply to other events.

“My alarm clock didn't work.” Unlikely. But it's better than telling the truth. (“I didn't set the alarm.”) It's always better to blame something mechanicalⁱ – something that can't defend itself.

“I got to sleep late.” “I didn't sleep well.” “I'm not feeling well.” Certainly no one would expect you to endanger your health when the fates are arrayed against you.

“I had to take care of my children.” That's always good. Blame the kids. Or your spouse.ⁱⁱ It isn't your fault. Someone else is responsible. And speaking of responsibility, child care will earn you points.

In winter if it's snowing: “I couldn't dig the car out.” There's an escape clause for circumstances beyond our control.

Any other time of year if it isn't beautiful outside: “The weather was bad.” Okay. Your definition of “bad” is a little more expansive than everyone else's.

And when you can't blame the weather: “I was parked in.” Otherwise I surely would have been there.

Those, however, are the excuses. They're not the real reasons why people don't come or are late if they do. Some of the reasons have made their way into song titles: “Slowpoke,” “Undecided,” “Scatterbrain,” “Lazybones,” and “Mañana” are the less accusatory ones. But “Call Me Irresponsible” and “I Won't Grow Up” are more to the point.

Even those, however, don't get at the real problems – those of intent. For example, some people are always late by the same amount, irrespective of the schedule. They refuse to come on time. They want to be needed. It's not important to them that they've kept others waiting. In fact they may revel in that fact. That problem arises irrespective of the scheduled starting time. Late people will be late, no matter what you do. For some it is an exercise of power and for others it is a matter of fashion. It ensures that they will be noticed. Nine little Indians are desperate for the tenth. In any case, it is evidence that they don't care about others who are foolish enough to take schedules seriously. They have other priorities. They'll come in “the fullness of time.”ⁱⁱⁱ

Some claim that there is “Jewish time” (the same phenomenon exists in other cultures since indifference is not limited to a single group) and that they are not expected to be on time. A schedule is for Yekkies. ^iv They place some degree of sanctity on the time. An appointment is a promise. There is no such thing as “fashionably late.”

As for the tardy ones, being late also shortens the event for them. It makes davening, the prayer service, take less time. It gives them extra prep-time and allows them to get credit for attending with a smaller investment. It doesn't matter if it means that other have to wait. In fact, that may make it better.

What can be done about the problem? Nothing.^v Lean back and enjoy it. Whatever you do, don't try to accommodate them. If you try to move the schedule to something approximating their usual times, they'll change. As much as they offer excuses, they want to be late. All you'll accomplish is an even later time so you'll have to wait longer. They'll love it.

Next episode: “Make War, Not Love” – Evolution is evolution.



ADDENDUM – PLEASE NOTE:  Today is September 11, 2012 (some time after the original publication of this essay).  I just discovered that over a year ago I omitted "Make War, Not Love" and went on to the next essay.  Unfortunately I can't backdate it, so I'll put it in during this month – sometime in the next day or so.  But you'll know where it really belongs.  At least you'll know if you look back at old essays.


 

i     It's getting harder to do as more and more things get computerized. Computers are too stupid to make such “mistakes.” They'll respond the same way every time to whatever instructions they get from their human masters.

ii     He or she was sick, took too long to dress, wasn't ready to take responsibility for the children, etc. Different variations may be used depending on the event and who's invited. If the excuse is needed for a committee meeting at work, don't be late or absent too often. The job market is weak. And each grandmother can only die once. 
iii     Although they may interpret that to mean they'll come when they're good and ready, in “Yes Minister” it was clear that it meant “never.”

iv    Originally German Jews, but now, more loosely, applied to compulsive individuals who can't help but follow the rules.

v     “Que sera, sera.”

Tea For Who(m)

 

Let's start with the easy part. Not to mince words, in my view the Tea Party must accept responsibility for our current debt crisis.ⁱ But no service is performed if we overlook the involvement of the Republican Party as a whole.ⁱⁱ And the President and Democrats as well. They all bear some of the blame for the situation. And so do we.

However threatening the issue may be, it reflects the major problem of our political system. The same situation seems to involve all legislation. Our current system often seems incapable of achievement because our politicians are incapable of compromise. There's too much of a “my way or the highway” mentality. Selfishness rules.

Why do people run for office? Why do they vote on legislation as they do? It's not very complicated. There are only four real reasons. The first two are the critical issues for someone considering candidacy: ego and self-gain. But with those two in the background, there are two others which govern day-to-day voting. They are personal beliefs and, more important, concern over the views of supporters. Politicians are always looking to the next election. Only by being elected can they satisfy their egos and fill their pockets. Perhaps that's a cynical point of view, but it's hard to find exceptions to this rule.

I don't know if the problem will be solved by the deadline, but right now we face a fiscal crisis – the possibility that our nation will default on its debts.ⁱⁱⁱ I don't really expect that to happen,^iv but there is no question that the major news of the day is the dispute over raising the debt ceiling, paying off what we owe, the cost of programs we have established, and the financial obligation that we are leaving to our children and grandchildren.

We're all responsible for the situation. Groups that are receiving entitlements^v demand that the payments they receive be increased; various professional groups^vi who insist that theirs is the last that should be cut since the job they perform is critical to keeping our economy intact and to keeping our citizens served properly; taxpayers complain that the government is taking too large a part of their earnings; lobbyists are making sure that their clients benefit from whatever legislation comes about; and everyone complains that prices – especially gas – are too high.

People want what they don't have. It doesn't always matter if their wants are justified. It may be reasonably argued that the Tea Party is taking its “mandate” too far, but apart from their own perspective, they are espousing what they believe the voters' viewpoint to be. After all, they want to be reelected. As do their opponents. So everyone is acting in a pig-headed manner to demonstrate their willingness to fight for what they claim the voters want. Those who support their position see it as virtuous; those who oppose it consider it the embodiment of evil.

But everyone agrees that some accommodation must be reached. Principles are important, however they cannot be allowed to prevent any movement from taking place. It's better to pass a measure that satisfies only some of our aims than to place ideals above action. We can try to change it later, but an incomplete solution is better than none at all.

Compromise. After that we can renew the fight.

 

i     The doctrinaire, at least those who read this, are likely to focus on this sentence and not read further. Certainly the liberals will see it as confirmation of their own view. But things are not as clear as we'd like to believe.

ii    See the first note. But also read the next sentence. And further.

iii    The employment and housing crises are a severe backdrop to the budget debate. They are not to be minimized, but they are not the subject of this essay.

iv    Although as time passes I become less and less confident.

v     And this includes the rich who are getting a variety of benefits through loopholes, special legislation, and the like.

vi    For example teachers, road builders, and health care workers. But those are only examples.

Vitamin $

 

A friend told me yesterday that she buys fruits and vegetables from a local food co-op. In fact she volunteers to work there. Unfortunately, the quantities that one has to purchase tend to be large amounts and it's sometimes necessary to eat a lot of a particular variety, whether you want it or not. But I guess that's better than throwing it out – although that, too, may sometimes be necessary.

I inquired about the reason for buying from the co-op, and was informed that the produce comes from a local source. But, of course, my supermarket is a local source. And I can get whatever quantity I want, of a wide variety of foodstuffs. No. I apparently misunderstood. The food, itself, is local. It's fresher.ⁱ That means, as everyone knows, that it's more nutritious. Food loses nutritional value with time. If it comes to your table a few hours later it has lost some of its vitamins.ⁱⁱ At least that's the teaching.

In all honesty I'm not convinced that there is any significant loss in food value.ⁱⁱⁱ Nor is it likely that any marginal increase or decrease in vitamin content – if there is any – will affect your health. Most Americans are well nourished and not in need of additional vitamins beyond what they'll get in a reasonably balanced diet. They're paying for a dream^iv rather than a reality, but that's the way it is with a lot of what we do. And the local farmers and the nutritionists have to eat, too.

In recent years, though, we have become addicted to pronouncements of those who claim they can improve our health. They build on vague ideas from folklore and on hope, transmitted by others with the same goals. Huge industries have come from these dreams – exercise machines, folk remedies, personal trainers, training shoes and other clothing, “organic”^v and “natural”^vi foods, books, nutritionists and health gurus, and the lobbyists who protect these trades.

Claims abound concerning the scientific backing of whatever panacea is being promoted. In fact all that exists may only be a single unverified result in a reasonable scientific publication, but that's enough. Unfortunately the “scientific evidence” is more likely that found in a newspaper – but much too often if there is any published material on the subject it can be found in an advocacy periodical that would not stand up to independent review of any kind. Too frequently the only reference by supporters of these fads to valid scientific studies^vii is to dismiss them as being inaccurate and contrivances of the “establishment” whose main interest is to keep the average citizen from enjoying the benefits of whatever they favor. “They^viii don't want you to know” about the product being promoted.

Our goal is to live forever. It's not possible, of course, but that won't stop us from trying.

Jon Carroll writes:^ix AFTER THE DEATH of Linda McCartney, I heard someone on television say, with anger, that her death was tragic because “she had done everything right.”

I gathered from context that the speaker meant that Linda McCartney had eaten food free from additives or hormones, that she had not used tobacco or drunk alcohol to excess, that she had exercised regularly and seen her doctor once a year and that, when the first signs of the disease were detected, she had taken all necessary and appropriate steps. And I thought of something I had heard a week earlier, a quote whose source I did not remember: “Americans think death is optional.” … People who do everything right die, and people who do everything wrong die.

Nothing guarantees eternal life, though some measures improve you chances to live longer. That doesn't mean that whatever is promoted as being healthful is, in fact, advantageous. But that's what the seller hopes you'll think as you pay an inflated price. And, as with so many marketing devices, they may even (invent/discover and) alert you to a disease for which they have just the right thing. Rather than high-fructose corn syrup they will sell you sugar. And not just any sugar but demerara. As for salt, you shouldn't get the plain ordinary variety – it's better to use sea-salt. Actually there's no advantage either to the demerara sugar or the sea salt, but the profits are higher and the feeling of virtue is greater. And it doesn't matter that scientific studies of anti-oxidants haven't shown them to be of value, everyone knows that you'll benefit from them – so there are plenty of people who will sell them.

The stores are filled with nostrums and panaceas. And there are numerous buyers. They believe that the Holy Grail, the Fountain of Youth,^x can be reached by the use of the cure-alls and folk remedies they buy. And they believe that what is promoted as proper nutrition will lead to an increased life-span during which they'll feel better. In fact it's better for everyone. But those who most need nutrition boosts can least afford it. Like most fads and styles (fashions), “nutrition” is most popular among the middle and upper classes. Those who are already well nourished are the ones who can afford extra nutrition boosts and what they believe are aids for their immune systems. And diets should be designed to help you avoid whatever you're allergic to – wheat and gluten, dairy products, bananas, peanuts, potatoes, whatever. Everyone has “allergies” nowadays. Many of them (though certainly not all) are imagined, but they serve as a convenient explanation for whatever makes you unhappy about yourself. And that's what keeps nutritionists working. They hawk placebos.^xi Placebos – which they may actually think have real value – are the answer. If you believe it will work, it will work. Belief is the answer.^xii

Nutrition ought to be a science, not a religion. And health care should be based on scientifically tested methods rather than the folk remedies of a multicultural world, and anecdotes of success of unproven foods and techniques. But that's so twentieth century.

Next episode: Miñana – No, it's not Mañana.  That's the way I wanted to spell it.

i     At least that's what the vendor says. It's also covered with dirt for which you pay when it's weighed.

ii    Of course the same is likely to be true if it sits in your refrigerator for many days before you can use it up. But that doesn't count. It was (allegedly) fresher when you got it. Even if you got to the co-op late. After work. And it's a drag to have to eat the same thing day after day because of the large quantity you bought, but it's virtuous to do so.

iii    I know there's a gain in self-esteem, but the cost is high. And when this fad is past she'll be left wondering why she wasted her money. But human nature and virtue sometimes cloud the thinking.

iv    Like with cosmetics. In fact most of the nutrition business is cosmetic.

v    Personally I prefer inorganic. Of course the standards for both are a little hazy. But put “organic” on the label (don't worry – no one will check) and you can jack up the price. In any event, I'd prefer not to be sickened or die from infections that safe (but not “organic”) pesticides could have prevented.

vi    In view of the fact that arsenic, uranium, and poison ivy are natural, I tend to be a little cautious when I see that term. Of course it has no clear definition, so you'll see it on a lot of products.

vii     If you doubt what I'm saying, read the following article and decide whether those who view fats as toxic to health and appearance have altered their views since the article appeared in 2006.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9505E2DC143EF93BA35751C0A9609C8B63&pagewanted=1

viii    Whoever “they” are.

ix     http://www.sfgate.com/, April 27, 1998.

x     It probably yields bottled water. That's what people pay large amounts of money for, even though New York City tap water costs only about a cent per gallon (which I suspect is the approximate cost everywhere) and often the bottled water is simply some other municipality's tap water. There's no good evidence that bottled water is any better for you than tap water – in fact it often contains toxic chemicals – bu,t since the bottles are plastic, they are costly to manufacture, utilize petroleum for their production, and are frequently not recycled, making a significant impact on the environment.

xi    Placebos in terms of techniques, foods, herbs, and the like. It's the emperor's new craze.

xii     And among the remedies are enemas and intestinal purges. If you believe in them you can explore for yourself how they compare to organic okra and a vegan life style.

An Era Is Ending

 

An era is ending. That's neither good nor bad. It just is.

A few nights ago my wife and I attended a band concert on a local high school lawn. We took our own chairs as we do each time we go. They hold the concerts three or four times each summer. This particular one featured patriotic music, presumably in honor of Independence Day. In fact, one of the selections was an arrangement of the various armed forces themes, and veterans were asked to stand when “their” theme was played.

During the concert there was an appeal for money – mostly loose change – to support the group, since there was no charge for the concert. The band isn't very good, but that's not the point. Outdoor band concerts are an American form – a tradition – and one that seems to dominate the summer in rural, and sometimes urban, settings. One of our grandsons has a part in an amateur production of “The Music Man” and has learned how to play the trumpet (badly, by intention) as part of his role in the kids' band. The band is America.

A part of the appeal for money struck me, however. One of the reasons we were asked to support the band was that it was the last one in the county. Each year attendance at the performances has been decreasing, and it's only a matter of time before the musicians get too old, and the band folds. With movies, television, video games, and other attractions it's no wonder that people aren't much interested in band concerts anymore. Sitting at home is easier and more exciting. And with air-conditioning all but ubiquitous, the occasional cool breeze on a hot, humid night won't bring out the crowds. Nor will the insects. July 4^th will never be the same.

I'm sure there are counties with many more bands and many more concerts, but I suspect their attendance is diminishing as well. Although marching bands will continue for a while, especially at high school events, the era of the lawn band concert is rapidly ending. It has outlived its usefulness along with Decoration Day, Armistice Day, Washington's birthday, and, for Canadians, Dominion Day. They still exist but thet've been updated to keep up with the times.ⁱ I remember them with a great deal of affection, though my memories are often a little fuzzy.ⁱⁱ

Times are changing though. And patriotic parades are having fewer and fewer participantsⁱⁱⁱ as the military cemeteries fill up. Even living veterans are often embarrassed about their service. I was in the Air Force during the Viet Nam War,^iv but I didn't stand up when they played “Off we go, into the wild blue yonder.”^v

It's hard, though, to ignore the fact that eras have always been coming and going. It's nothing new. I don't mean things like the era of the space shuttle,^vi but those with greater significance. For example, the Pleistocene Era, the Biblical Era, the “Dark Ages,” The Era of Good Feelings, and, within my own memory, the era of Ebbets Field.^vii We get used to the absence of the familiar, and we move on in the expectation of better things to come. But that isn't always the case. In the words of Yogi Berra, “The future ain't what it used to be.”

Still, sooner or later, we get used to the new reality. However we don't always forget. An era is ending. We call it progress.

But sometimes I'm not sure.

Next episode: “Vitamin $” – You don't always get what you pay for.

i     In fact to a great degree those names won't even be recognized. When I wished a Canadian friend a happy Dominion Day, he looked at me with a funny expression on his face and, after a moment, informed me that “We don't call it that anymore.”

ii    A wise man, Will Rogers, once said of nostalgia, “Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was.”

iii    High school bands will continue to appear in these because they will always jump at the opportunity to perform and show off their (often imaginary) talents. And the publicity is good.

iv    Fortunately I was spared the risk of actually participating in the hostilities.

v       It was originally (1939) entitled “The Army Air Corps,” but in 1947 in it was changed to “U.S. Air Force.”

vi    The last (American) shuttle blasted off this morning.

vii    If you really care, the last game was played on September 24^th, 1957. The park had opened in 1913.

Come Fly With Me

 

 

Let me guess that it will be a generation. Or, maybe, less. Actually I think it will be less but I prefer to overstate estimates like this. After all, a basic change in society can't be rushed.ⁱ But it will happen. I'm sure of that.

It all started with the couch potato. No. I'm sure it started long before that but I'll use that vegetative citizen as my stepping-off point. Actually he did not step. That was the point of the whole thing. The remote control for his televisionⁱⁱ was all he needed to survive. That and his TV dinner of course. Movement needed to be kept to a minimum, and that was his way.

But other movement must be considered as well. Like travel. And, not to flog a dead horse, it's on the way out. We're approaching the end of travel. I don't mean completely. People will often move from place to place. Especially immigrants. But most travel in America, and eventually elsewhere, is likely to be on the way out.

Why do people travel at all? (I don't mean why do they go to the storeⁱⁱⁱ, but rather I'm thinking of the trips out of the neighborhood.) For business, to see family, to see sights, and to move. There's not much more to it than that. But with the economy as it is, and gas prices high,^iv and with the cost of commercial transportation and even private cars always going up, there's a decreasing call for tickets on the various airliners^v and trains. And with the high cost of gas it is becoming more and more prohibitive to drive. Of course you could take a cheap bus, but the number of bus accidents has been increasing recently as a result of their own cost-saving measures. No. It's cheaper and safer to stay at home.

And that's the origin of the “staycation.” Vacation time is increasingly spent at home because that's cheaper than traveling. As the song goes, you don't need more than you can find “Back In Your Own Backyard.”^vi

As for business,^vii there will always be some travel to demonstrate products and have a buyer touch them and try them out, but there is an increasing reliance on video conferencing and other similar techniques to negate the need for much other business travel. Many who formerly traveled to work now engage in work from home – by telecommuting. The cost of clothing is lower as are the expenses of the automobile, or those of other transportation previously required. There's a decreased need for expensive office space and the risks of travel are reduced, lowering the cost to insurers.^viii

Communications have had a major effect on how we relate to each other. I, for example, see my daughter, who lives thousands of miles away, more frequently than sons who live closer. That's because I visit with her (and her kids) almost daily via the internet, using my video camera and a free telephone line. I can recall the time when we made expensive long-distance calls. We kept them short because of the costs, but now they're free, and we can see our grandchildren as they are growing up. And they can see us. We're not the strangers we might have been. We still visit, but it's as much to be in a foreign country – to visit it – as to see them. It's nice to see them, but we've already managed to keep up on their activities.^ix So we use the visit more as a vacation – as sight-seeing.

What about vacations and sight-seeing? Will they last? Well the vacations will. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if our time off increases. Our own laziness will see to that.^x But the nature of vacations is changing. Since it is becoming less necessary to visit with family members,^xi all that remains is the sight-seeing, and it can't be too long before that is replaced by virtual reality.^xii It will be far cheaper and won't require sitting in uncomfortable airline seats or spending inordinate amounts of time on travel. Nor paying for the hotel or motel.^xiii They will be the basis of your staycation. There's nothing more comfortable than your own bed, and with a virtual reality vacation you won't have to leave it. 

Moving isn't likely to be a major reason for travel. Homes are difficult to sell, and more and more people are fixing up what they have rather than looking elsewhere. It may not be good for truck manufacturers and the moving industry, however we've made our bed and now we must lie in it. We can't afford to move it. Especially if we have nowhere to go.

The outlook for travel appears gloomy to me.^xiv I'm not suggesting that travel will cease^xv – only slow down. But I suspect it will slow down significantly. It may take time, but it will happen. And the transportation and travel industries will fight back. Airplanes will become far more comfortable and luxurious. Trains will be faster.^xvi Cars will be more intricately linked to automated guidance systems and to television cameras and radar, and they will become self-driving and parking as well as safer. Trips will take less time as well, with the automated systems avoiding traffic and other obstructions. But gas prices will continue to rise, and the cost of cars, as well as airplane and train rides, will also get higher and higher. The defensive actions will be only temporary helps. The long-term trend will be away from travel. It will cause a significant change in our lives and in our economy, but the trend is unstoppable. When travel industry stocks tank, don't say I didn't warn you.

Next episode: “An Era Is Ending” – And America will never be the same.

i     I'm not talking about the end of band concerts. I've covered that topic.

ii    We've really progressed. Now there's a remote control for almost everything except going to the bathroom. And that will come too. Be patient. Hold it in.

iii    Though this will be eliminated soon enough. I also don't mean that there will be an end of the rite of passage which involves teen-agers getting driver's licenses and their “freedom.” But don't ask one of them for a ride. You won't get it. No matter how many times you've taken him where he wants to go. 

iv    Actually they're much higher in other countries, but we don't consider them. That's not our problem.

v     And don't forget the cost of the extra baggage you'll need.

vi    Dreyer and Rose. Al Jolson is also credited as a writer – in fact the first one – but his contribution, if any, was probably minimal. The song was recorded in 1928, but probably written earlier.

vii    Read “money.” That will prolong some travel – for a while at least.

viii    Of course this also increases the pool of people available for work which will both increase the number of those out of work and lower the cost of labor. That's good for those who employ them, even if it's not optimal for the economy and the workers themselves.

ix     With communication improvements, letters gave way to the telephone (letters hardly exist anymore – certainly not the long, informative letter of the past), and the telephone to the internet. And now we make video calls over the internet. Science changes everything.

x      As it has to the remote control. Who wants to stand up to change channels? Actually we could provide additional jobs by hiring people to change the channels for us. But a remote control is cheaper.

xi    Except when we're looking for a free place to stay. Hotels are far too expensive. But we can stay at a relative's house because he's away, imposing on another member of the family.

xii    And that includes amusement parks as well. A virtual roller coaster ride will be just as exciting as the real thing, though it may be safer. And it can't be too long before a computer is hooked up to your bathtub so you can experience the joys of a water park without leaving home.

xiii    Unless you stay with family or friends, whose life you'll make miserable. They'll be happy to see you leave.

xiv    Actually, to those who make a living from travel. Not to me. I like to stay at home anyway, so my major benefit from more costly and complicated travel is to provide me with more weapons to hassle others.

xv    We still need road building to provide jobs and the highways to get food and other things to market – and to provide jobs for road builders and the manufacturers of vehicles. For a while, at least, the economy will protect travel because of a need for those jobs.

xvi    “Bullet” trains are already faster.

The Value of Women

 

Believe it or not, I've finally figured out what women are good for.

At least apart from the obvious.ⁱ

After years of study of the female language, and the translation of that language to Man,ⁱⁱ I've come to the conclusion that we (men) have quite a bit to learn from women. And, by copyingⁱⁱⁱ their other techniques we can accomplish a lot.

As an example of what we can learn, consider the following hypothetical conversation^iv between me and my wife:

           M(e): “Beautiful day for a ride.”

           S(he): “After driving around for three quarters of an hour is that all you can say?”

           M: “What's the problem? Isn't the weather beautiful?”

           S: “The problem is that we're driving in circles. You have no idea where we're going.”

           M: “I'm sure we're almost there.”

           S: “What makes you so sure? We've never been in Butte before.”

           M: “How hard can it be. We'll be there in no time.”

           S: “At the rate we're going we'll be there at no time. Ask that woman over there for directions.”

           M: “That's not necessary. I can do it on my own.”

          S: “You said that half an hour ago. If you don't want to get help from a woman, ask the man on the far corner. We really should get help from someone who knows the neighborhood.”

          M: “I can figure it out on my own. Stop nagging.”

          S: “At least turn on the GPS navigator I got for you.”

          M: “All right, if that will shut you up. But I really don't need it.”

Of course I needed it, but I'm a man and I couldn't admit that. It involved a loss of face. And to a woman. Unthinkable. But by acceding to her “nagging” I was able to do what I had actually wanted to do long before that,^v even though I couldn't suggest it myself. By grudgingly accepting her “unnecessary” interference, I wound up getting the help I had maintained I didn't need. After all, I could have done it on my own. (And if you put an infinite number of monkeys on typewriters they could write Shakespeare. Not his works but his name – if you're lucky and have a lot of time at your disposal.)

And, of course, that's not all. Many times I've seen my wife snacking after dinner because she didn't get enough to eat. There wasn't enough for the two of us but she gave me a “man-sized” portion and took the leftovers for herself. She didn't say anything about it, but I noticed. I didn't say anything either except to ask her if she had enough. Naturally she said yes and I was relieved. I knew better than to pursue the subject.

Whether I leave the toilet seat up or have to be reminded of an appointment or other obligation, I'm not concerned. Though I may be gently chided, the repercussions of my inattention are usually – though not always – minimal. In any case I deny any responsibility. For example, I just don't need as much time to prepare to go out as my wife does. She takes too long anyhow. I never forget we're going out, but I don't see any reason to rush since I'd just have to wait for her anyhow. That's why I haven't started to get ready. I know about our appointment. It's her fault, not mine.

Anyway, that's the way it is. I'm a man, and I can do it on my own. I don't need help. I'll take it if offered, but only resentfully. It's a concession to her.^vi

“Your car keys are on the windowsill near the bookcase.”

“I know that. I've been walking instead of driving the last three days to get more exercise. What do you think I am? An idiot?”

Fortunately, she didn't answer.

Next episode: “Come Fly With Me” – No. I don't mean “Come fly me.”

i     I'm not referring to sex, important as it may be, but to other abilities. Though our interests, skills, and problem-solving techniques are different, there is certainly equality of intelligence between men and women. If that of women is not greater. The purpose of this essay is to explore some of the differences. Some may view it as condescending. It isn't meant that way. After over fifty years of marriage and frustration with behavior that I viewed as inferior to my own, I realized that I (hard as it may be to believe) wasn't perfect. In fact much of what I did would have been impossible without being pointed in the right direction. Perhaps that's the greatest difference between the sexes. Men favor action – though it isn't always directed accurately. Women have better aim.

ii    First of all, Man is a language. It is somewhat more straightforward than Woman. A yes-no question can be answered by a single word rather than by a paragraph which doesn't really respond to the original question but usually involves asking a question in response. But more to the point, here are some examples of my translation: “Wouldn't you like” (in Woman) means “I want,” (to a man) “Do you think … ?” means “I want,” and “Don't you think … ?” means “I want and so do you.” “Thank you, but you didn't have to ...” means “All right. You can live another year.” See also “Invitation To The Dance” (a previous blog – seven or eight months ago).

iii     “Aping” is probably a better word when talking about men.

iv    There is no relationship between the following dialog and any real conversation. It is purely fictional and any similarity to a real conversation is coincidental.

v     Actually, I was angry at her for not nagging sooner. We could have saved a lot of time if she weren't so pig-headed as to let me blunder on my own.

vi    I'm good that way.