Growing Down

                                                        

The states of our health and our well-being, have never been greater. And, to a very great degree, we have medical science to thank for that. That's what has happened with time, and there is every expectation that continued research will lead to further improvements. We have made childbirth – the continuation of our species – less hazardous, we've improved nutrition, conquered many diseases once believed to be incurable, lessened pain and other feared symptoms making the end of life more bearable for many, and advancements in care have increased our lifespans significantly.

But life could be better, and society as well, with some changes in our normal development, and it is in this area that I think medical research can have its greatest impact. Let me explain.

It's normal for a baby to soil himselfⁱ making extra work for his motherⁱⁱ who is trying to deal with the other children – her own and those over for a play date – who are running and screaming like wild animals.ⁱⁱⁱ In addition, as teenagers, it will be normal for them to know everything (ask them if you don't believe me) and to find fault with their parents and grandparents, who actually have greater knowledge along with experience and wisdom. Those in their twenties and thirties are likely to be physically stronger than those older or younger, with the elderly being especially frail.

And the same young and middle-aged adults can be expected to have prodigious appetites for everything, especially food and sex.^iv It's the time when most young women want to have children^v and there are always men eager to indulge them (and themselves). Once those children have completed their education and are out of the house and beginning their own families, and once the parents have recouped some of the expenses they incurred rearing the children, they're put out to pasture. It's harsh to characterize retirement that way, but many people consider it in those terms. And, sadly, that's the way it often is. As one of my friends put it, “anyone who considers these the 'golden years' must be young.” With them come aches and pains, memory loss, the loss of other capacities once dear, and loss of energy and strength to tarnish those years. Oh well, you can always look forward to dotage.

The various stages of life are described by many great writers. Over the years not much has changed in the order of things. But I suspect that with a little tinkering by our medical scientists, geneticists, biochemists, and their ilk, we could rearrange things a little.

For example, it would be a relief to mothers (and fathers, too) if babies weren't incontinent. They're likely to have that problem in their eighties or nineties (if they make it) anyway, so why not combine it all in that stage. And give the energy of children to that group of seniors so that we don't have to take care of them. In exchange perhaps we could take their wisdom and experience and give them to the teenagers so they can start to realize that they don't know everything. Soon enough, with the proper education to provide knowledge to accompany the wisdom, they may start acting like human beings. Meanwhile, with their energy levels reduced significantly, children will be easier to manage by overworked mothers. And possibly, if some of that energy could be transferred to fathers, they could help a little when they came home from work.^vi

We need to work on dad a little, too. In the first couple of decades of the marriage his energy at home seems to be focused, in large part, on mom and the bedroom. Mom often has mixed feelings about the whole thing because of the possibility of pregnancy and nursing in the middle of the night. Society has convinced her that she is a bad mother if she resorts to a bottle, so while dad can ignore the problem at two AM,^vii mom has to get up and feed the baby. The best solution is to lower the sexual appetites of the two – to put their peaks off until later in life. In the meantime they can get the rest^viii they need to help them through the day.

A good time to restore the urge to mom would be just after menopause. There would be no fear of an unwanted pregnancy that way.^ix Perhaps we should wait a little with dad just to be sure. Give mom the opportunity for a fling or two. Many of the men with sexually transmissible diseases will have died off, or become less of a risk, which will be of great benefit. But when dad does return to the field of battle it will be with less strength than he had a couple of decades earlier. In fact there's a good possibility^x he'll have ED by that time and have lost his ability, if not his interest, in becoming a dirty old man.

I'm sure you can think of other changes you'd make. It's a new science. But soon enough we'll have perfect specimens to clone. We're already working on designer babies so it's simply a matter of deciding what we want. And the alterations that I'm proposing would not only benefit the individual, but society as a whole.

There's a Nobel Prize waiting out there. Go for it.

Next episode: “Mom, Spinach, And The Supreme Court” – Food for thought.

i      I know that's not PC. Make it “herself or himself” or, if your grammar is faulty, “theirself.” And make appropriate changes when necessary in the remainder of the essay.

ii     Don't criticize me for sexual stereotyping. I'm simply recognizing reality, not prescribing what some members of society want to be the case.

iii     No slight on wild animals is intended.

iv     The appetite of teenagers for sex is also great, although fantasy is often more the issue than reality. A teenage boy (there I go again) however, is likely to indulge his huge appetite for food the moment it crosses his mind.

v      Leading, of course, to the situations described above.

vi     I'm stereotyping again.

vii    And four AM, and midnight, and whenever else it's necessary.

viii   I should have said “sleep.” “Rest” is subject to misinterpretation.

ix    It would be good for society as well. Fewer unwanted pregnancies would minimize the political problems, as well as the medical costs, of abortions.

x      A very good possibility for many wives. Anyway he's a pig and it serves him right.