Bette And Beyond

                                                         
                                                                                    

“Old age ain't no place for sissies.” And “Getting old is not for sissies.” Both are the words of Bette Davis and represent her philosophy of (the latter part of) life.

Here I am in my “golden years” and I discover what so many have learned before me – they're not so golden. And I'm among the lucky ones. While I have the joint aches and memory losses so common among members of my cohort, I am in relatively good shape. I have no real right to complain as do so many others. I have a loving wife and children and grandchildren who provide me with more pleasure than I've earned. For the most part I still have all my marbles, and a few more I've won along the way. I remain capable of deep, and sophisticated thought.

Aye, there's the rub.

The more I think about it, the more I want to live forever,ⁱ and I see nothing in my way. Except the knowledge that I can't. I don't feel any older than I did many years ago. At least not intellectually.ⁱⁱ I find the story that I'm living out fascinating. I want to know what happens at the end. But there is no end. Or, at least, I hope not.

I'm at the age of introspection, like so many of my predecessors. I obsess over one of life's most sacred taboos: death.ⁱⁱⁱ The idea of nothingness – eternal nothingness – is something that is hard to grasp, despite its inevitability. There are many who view death as final, with no existence thereafter. Perhaps there is a “world to come” – an afterlife, as we learn from religious teachings – but it is hard not to consider the idea that the wife, children, and grandchildren whom I cherish now, will not be a part of that world and that life. Of course I won't know that.^iv I won't be cognizant of my previous existence, so it won't bother me then. But it bothers me now.

There's always the possibility that there is a continuation of what I see as my current life after death occurs. That would provide me with the eternal life for which I'm hoping.^v A life that ends abruptly and is an isolated event doesn't seem reasonable or fair. But it's hard to view eternal life as likely.^vi It's a very child-like solution to a problem far too difficult to understand.

Children are frightened of death. Whether the concerns center on the loss of a parent, monsters under the bed, eternal nothingness, or some formless and indescribable “bad thing,” there is a period when terror my be initiated by night, by the presence of a babysitter, or simply by turning off a light.^vii That anxiety, however, is short-lived^viii and feelings of immortality resulting from the slow development of the frontal lobes supervenes, driving such concerns from consciousness. The issue doesn't resurface until later in life, but by that time “denial” is well established and there is separate compartmentalization of the fear from the intellectual knowledge that sooner or later the end will come. For most, “later” is the chosen option, so that whole line of thought can be dismissed quickly.

The fear of death, however, is not universal. Indeed, some seek it, though fortunately I'm not among them. But for many the pain of life is so overwhelming that nothingness is viewed as more desirable – a relief from whatever suffering they are enduring. That suffering may be purely psychological, or physical with a psychological component. Other factors that may play a part are economic and social. Actually, all may be related. An individual with a painful or incurable disease is likely to be depressed. No one wants to see him – it's too depressing for them. And he feels guilty for causing pain and expense to his family. The solution is the Hemlock Society or a doctor who will provide a way out. And a way out is the only way out.

When considering suicide, moreover, it's hard to overlook those who are eager to die as long as they take their enemies with them. There is no dearth of individuals with this Weltanshauung, especially in the Middle East where the clergy indoctrinate the young with the idea that such behavior is both laudable and rewarded.^ix Martyrdom is to be praised. At least if it's played out in others.

I guess there are times when giving your life may be a better choice than living. But they can't be very many. And I certainly won't attempt to list them because then I'll have to measure my own existence against them. Because I don't suffer from any of the physical, mental, economic, social, or other burdens that cause people to seek an end, I cannot imagine them or the proposed “cure.” I realize that my attitude will be considered flip by those in pain, but, at least for the moment, I'll tolerate the afflictions of my golden years.

My oldest granddaughter will be married this afternoon. That gives me a shot at becoming a great-grandfather in my old age. So notwithstanding Bette Davis, it's worth the tribulations. And I'm not a sissy. 

 

 

 

 

Next episode:  "In The Beginning" – Who knows?

I       Especially considering the alternative.

ii      I must admit I have aches here and there, but I can live with them.

iii     But doesn't everyone?

iv      No one knows what happens at death. We can't figure it out. And we can't know G-d's plans. Our logic is not adequate to guess His “thoughts.” As Jay Livingston said, “Que sera, sera.” “Whatever will be, will be.” We don't know too much.

v       A sage once cautioned, “Be careful what you wish for. You may just get it.” Eternal life as a demented senior in a nursing home may not be a bargain.

vi      If we're certain of anything in the religious sphere, it's that human and Divine rationality and considerations are very different (not that there is any way we can fathom Divine “thought”). There is no way we can know what is “fair” or “unfair” in this world, nor what lies ahead.

vii     Is that so different from the fears of an adult?

viii    An interesting description and occurrence.

ix     Meanwhile they (the clergy) remain in safety while sending out their followers to become the suicide bombers.