Forget It

There's an old joke that you've heard, whether or not you can recall it:

            A: Your memory is the second thing to go.

            B: Oh? What's the first?

            A: I don't remember.

It's funny. The younger you are, the funnier it is. Unfortunately it reflects the reality that your memory deteriorates as you age. I'm not talking about dementia,ⁱ but about normal aging and its consequences.

My wife and I have it worked out. Fortunately we tend to forget different things (mostly) so we can usually help out each other with missing facts, words, events, and fill in the other lacunae left in our memories. It's kind of a joke between us. Sometimes what is missing will reappear on its own if we focus on something else, but sometimes we need help. Rarely the problem is solved with the aid of a family member and for some things a search engine is the magic bullet. And once you've accepted the inevitable, that's funny too.ⁱⁱ Of course it's less funny when you're driving along and have a thought and can't record it. The sign says that you can wait five minutes until the next “text stop,” but you know you can't. You know you'll have forgotten it by then. That's better than having an accident, though. I guess.

We all know that “the golden years” aren't as golden when you experience them as they might have been when you anticipated them, or when you saw them as someone else's problem, which people are likely to do when they're still young. One of the greatest difficulties you're likely to face is the need to make too many hospital visits and attend too many funerals. Of course you're glad they're not yours, but the loss of a friend or family member, and the need to comfort someone bereaved by that loss are difficult to manage. As is the knowledge that the time until your own funeral is decreasing.

However it's not all bad. At least if your health is reasonably good – apart from the various aches and pains that increase through the years and to which none of us is immune. They go with the territory.

In some ways getting older also has fiscal ramifications. The kids are out of the houseⁱⁱⁱ and the food bills now have human proportions. No more concerns about getting them to school on time or about tuition bills. And the various expenses they incurred are gone.^iv In addition, Medicare and Social Security are quite helpful for keeping the checkbook balanced, although you'll probably have to pay for some supplementation – medical or medicational.

On the other hand, there are some increased costs as well. One is the cost of insurance which rises with the years unless you have an already overpriced lifetime policy. And the cost of heating^v and lighting. I seem to need more of both as I get older, but I'm always debating with myself over the wisdom of spending more when I don't know how long I'll need whatever it is that I'm getting.^vi Should I save as much as possible to pass on to my children and grandchildren? Or will I simply be padding Uncle Sam's coffers by leaving them more money on which they'll have to pay taxes?

But, besides some savings in expenses, there are other features of an “up” side that result. At least there's an up side if those around you understand the problem – which they're likely to do since they see the aging as someone else's problem. Yours.

For example, seeing the arrival of grandchildren, and watching them grow up, is a pleasure and privilege without peer. As everyone knows, it's a grandparent's permitted pleasure to spoil them, and his privilege to go home when problems arise.

And since I'm retired, I have more time to go out – though I tend not to do so. But when I do, I often take the subway. It's so much easier to do so than to drive at night, and then to look for, and pay for, parking. I don't need to sit down for my trips on the subway. In fact I like to stand. But it's nice when someone offers me a seat. It doesn't happen very often, but it's nice when it does – whether or not I accept.^vii I'm more likely, however, to accommodate the magnanimity of those who would help me with something they consider too heavy or too difficult for me. I'd be a fool not to. I'm often amused when someone does for me what I'm quite capable of doing for myself, but if I have to get older^viii I shouldn't abjure the “perks.”

So I'm grateful for my “Senior Citizen”^ix card when I go into the subway and I never refuse the discounts that are given to those of a certain age.^x But, given the chance, I'd be willing – I'd be delighted – to forgo them for a few more years.

Next episode: “Snowden, Aspirin, and Unintended Consequences” – If it can go wrong ...

i        Who's to say, though. At some time in the future, someone will publish a paper listing the forgetfulness that we experience as we get older along with diseases, and everyone will jump on the bandwagon and turn it into a new form of dementia.

ii       My assumption is that a failing memory is your only affliction.

iii      Despite all our grousing, theirs and ours, it was fun at the time. And one of the costs of aging is the emptying of the house. However much I love my wife, when the children leave to go their own ways there is both a sense of loss and increasing knowledge of your mortality.

iv      Costs still exist. Assistance when it's needed and gifts when you feel like it. Presents for the grandchildren so that they won't forget you. But the costs are more a matter of choice than obligation.

v       That, of course, includes more sweaters and gloves, even to wear indoors. Something seems to happen to the circulation.

vi      And that applies to everything – not just clothing.

vii     Though I usually do. It would be a shame if my pigheadedness led to the belief by some young, healthy, individual that (s)he was a fool to make that offer and should avoid it in the future. I don't want to ruin it for others.

viii    And, as the saying goes, it's (usually) better than the alternative.

ix      My Metro Card is safe in my wallet so I won't forget it.

x       One of my favorites is the discount I get on Wednesdays at the used day-old cake store.