They

Whoever they are, they're out to get me. They're out to get all of us. They've been doing it for a long time, too. And it's not a mistake. They're doing it on purpose. I know that because every day I see, on my computer home page and in my internet files, links to all the things they don't want me to know – whether it's secrets about diets, car insurance, debt forgiveness, or whatever. I also hear about companies that can get the IRS off my back or even help me beat the police who catch me speeding. Doctors are the worst offenders. They know of lots of cures for our maladies, but they're hiding them. If we're healthy they can't make money. Fortunately, their conspiracy has been discovered and revealed by dedicated practitioners of alternative therapies.

I know it's true. It doesn't take a genius to know that conspiracies are rife in our society. I'm a good person, and the things going on all around me are mostly aimed at getting my money or, worse, getting me. If we Americans are the most litigious people around, it's because we're tired of being taken by people who are getting away with murder,ⁱ and the only way we can get back at themⁱⁱ is to sue them. After all, the problems that we have are their fault. They're certainly not ours. We're not to blame or anything that goes wrong. They've been putting it over on us for a while. Just look at Amazon.com and you'll find lots of books detailing all the things they don't want us to know. Even Amazon isn't clean.ⁱⁱⁱ And the really juicy stuff is on all of the TV shows and movies I see. There are lots of really bad people out there. You can't trust anyone.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg – the nickel and dime stuff. The real conspirators, the ones causing the most mayhem in our country, are members of the government. They're worse than the Mafia and the cable company. They're often acting against other government officials in a vast effort to sell us out or take over for themselves. Think about the Kennedy assassination for example. The Warren Commission whitewashed it, but anyone with an ounce of sense knows that the FBI had a hand in it. And 9/11 was obviously a governmental ploy to stir up everyone against the Muslims in general and the Arabs in particular. It worked, by the way.

Another thing. I'll bet that lots of our officials made a bundle on the Madoff ponzi scheme and on the bank bailout. People don't run for office because they're public-spirited. They do it to get in on the good things that people in the know can wheedle. They do it to become part of the vast network of cabals all around us. We may not know about all of them, but those in politics are in on how they work, and how to get a piece of the action. Sure there are all sorts of investigations, but they only target the low-level types; the people really responsible are never revealed or, if they are known, they're never convicted.

And don't get me started on Area 51 and Roswell, New Mexico. The government doesn't want us to know the truth about the aliens. Perhaps they think it's for our own good^iv that we don't find out, but they've a lot of our fellow citizens involved in the coverup. “Transparency” may be the buzzword of the day, but don't expect government officials to reveal their co-conspirators. The business they're in is too satisfying and too rewarding.

But I sell the others short when I suggest that conspiracy is an American invention. There are too many coverups of which we know, and too many that we don't. For example, everyone is aware that aliens have been coming to earth for millennia. The crop circles, cave paintings, rock formations, and possibly even the introduction of human life, attest to the visit to earth of outsiders. Contrived explanations just don't wash.

And what about the Jews? There's a group of plotters if I ever saw one.^v After coming up with a fake religion and engaging in deicide, they moved on to poisoning the wells, starting plagues, and killing Christian children for their blood. Nowadays they're giving AIDS to the Muslims and killing them whenever they can make up an excuse. It's part of their plot to take over the earth. They already control most governments, the banking system, Hollywood, and the media. We only know what they want us to know.

Even they have competition though. Other schemers include the communists and the CIA (who are probably working together) and people like Benedict Arnold, Vidkun Abraham (does that name tell you anything?) Quisling, Kim Philby, Deep Throat, Bradley (Chelsea!) Manning, and Edward Snowden. They're all around us and spying on us. We can't trust Google, our GPS, or anyone who has a computer. Or anyone who doesn't.^vi

We need an orderly society, one where everyone is in agreement, like the one described by George Orwell. We need a big brother who will protect us from all of them. But they won't let that happen. You never know who they^vii are but they're all around, whether we recognize them or not. And its them against us, so arm yourself.

Next episode: “The Death Of Archie Andrews” – I saw it in the funny papers.

I         I mean that figuratively, although I'm sure that sometimes it's literally the case. But I'm not discussing organized crime here. Lots of others also engage in this method of commerce.

ii        And their deep pockets. My lawyer tells me that they can afford it, and he'll be happy to help me fight the injustice.

iii       See “10 Things Amazon Doesn't Want You To Know” in the Huffington Post, June 25, 2012.

iv       Let's get real. They never do anything for our good. One way or another it's helping them – if only to avoid the embarrassment of the truth. Or maybe their supporters are worried about business losses that might result from people hunkering down. Never cross a lobbyist. Especially one who's supplying you or your campaign with money.

v        Lots of them change their names so you won't recognize them. They call it “assimilation,” but it's really infiltration. The goal is to take over our countries and it's easier from the inside. They try to pass as loyal citizens wherever they are, but we know better.

vi       You don't really believe them, do you? They're lying to you. Of course they have one. And it's connected to a cloud that's not accessible to you.

vii      That's why I haven't said who “they” are. I don't know who they are but I know they're there. Their actions are a tip off.