Mixed Grill XVI

[See end for explanation.]

My mind is deteriorating. What follow, among other trash, are some of my worst puns. I enjoy making others suffer. And if you don't suffer after reading these, you're sicker than I am. Continue at your own risk.

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Shopping lust – Take it with you to the mall

Mushroom – Where you eat oatmeal

Versimilitude – Looks like a real word, doesn't it?

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing. (Joss Whedon, American screenwriter)

Russian northeaster – An ill wind in Siberia

The Timing of the Shrew – Check your wrist witch

Fly by night – Usually down

Gone with the wind – The cramps

In praise of folly – Employed as a television critic

Lexicography – A word to the wise is sufficient – if you know what it means

A penne for your thoughts – A lira?

Never give a sucker an even break – If it seems too good to be true it probably is

Debategate – Theft of presidential campaign notes

Apastasea – Religious rejection in favor of endless Marille

UN – World's biggest Palestinian front organization. It's also tax free and members don't have to follow traffic and parking rules

EAT ME (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland)

Asleep in the deep – Eternal rest provided by the Mafia. Fishes serve as companions

Faithbook – Spiritual media

Bourrée for Bollywood – Indian dance

Leave bad enough alone – If it's broke but trying to fix it will make it worse, don't try.

The next big thing – Whatever you're promoting

TV Guide – The blind leading the blind

The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being mocked and denounced by the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country. (Hermann Goring)

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. (Abraham Lincoln) – But some of the time may be all you need.

Slim Pickens – Guqin

Veil of tears – Forced marriage

Barbecue – Lineup of dolls

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You'd think it couldn't get worse, but you'd be wrong. Wait until next month.

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NOTE: I just completed an essay that put me a year ahead of the present date. It's scheduled for publication on January 21, 2018. So I thought I'd throw in a “Mixed Grill” that was initially intended for next year. Read it and weep. Or don't read it.