Here
we go again. Admit it. You look forward to these sessions if only
to look down on them. So who am I to deprive you of that privilege?
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Dodge
the pullet – It wants to stay
safe, even when crossing the road. Avoid the temptation to ram it.
Don't worry. It'll run. It's chicken.
Logic
Socks
disappear despite our efforts not to lose them.
Wire
hangers increase when we're not looking.
Therefore
socks must be converted to wire hangers.
We stand on the shoulders of those who
have preceded us and I must express my gratitude to Newton, Clausius,
and Einstein for helping me discover this remarkable fact. The laws
of physics, especially thermodynamics, interchangeability between
mass and energy, and quantum theory, dictate this inevitable
conclusion.
A
just decision – Hell, arbitrators have to live too, even if its
necessary to alter their rulings based on who gives the bigger bribe.
Monopoly
– Result of a merger between Hasbro and Parker Brothers. Cornered
the market on games and got a “Get out of jail free” card to
boot.
Manogram
– Radiographic study of the male breast. Sometimes followed by a
manstectomy.
There's
room for all G-d's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes
– Seen on a Saskatoon billboard showing a moose. Substitute tofu
if you're a vegan. But I don't know how you can be so cruel to the
potatoes.
What
goes around comes around –
but that's okay since you had it already and you're immune
A
stitch in time wastes nine –
If it's the wrong stitch.
Bay
of Pigs – Sounder of swine, passel of hogs, drift, drove, or
just plain lots. Made us look like a school of minnows.
Ho,
Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas – Santa brings presents to a brothel
Netwok
– Chinese food directory on the internet
If
you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law
(Winston
Churchill)
If
you can't stand the humidity, get out of the schvitz
A
House divided – Mark's prediction regarding the US Congress.
He was unaware of the Senate. Lincoln knew of the Senate, but he
preferred not to talk about it.
Jolly
Green Giant – Paul Bunyan and his blue-green ox Babe have gone
environmental
Naarishment
– Organic and natural foods. Free-range anything.
Top
of the mourning – Coffin lid for a wake. Guest of honor not
awake.
Womantra
– Hmmmenrpigs, hmmmenrpigs, hmmmenrpigs …
Death
penalty – Hockey. Seven minutes. For very extreme violence.
Water
Board – Torture in Flint, Michigan. Water prices raised but
not a drop to drink. Indeed, the new Board motto is “Don't drink
the water.”
A
fair settlement – Bribe to mistress to get out of town so the
wife won't find out.
Fly
swatter – Distant relative of thumbscrew. Very Effective.
Hollywood
– Yule log raw material
Patience and
shuffle the cards (Miguel De Cervantes)
Just
say “no” – Bad advice. Just say “Yes, dear.”
Oxford
– Cattle car
Patchy
fog – Political debate
Random
– Competed in a marathon without preparation or saying anything
about it
Yes
I Can – Grandma just put up her tomatoes and wrote a book about
it.
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Okay.
You don't understand them all. Hard cheese. I know what they mean.
As the announcer on Batman said, “The worst is yet to come."
October 5, 2016
Very solid collection
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