Miñana

 

It doesn't matter what the schedule says, some people will be late. Changing the schedule to account for them works only once. They learn quickly, even if they can't learn anything else. And there's always an excuse.

That's the sad story of the minyan, the quorum of ten Jewish men needed for communal prayer. Actually the same problem exists for all get-togethers, whether social events or committee meetings. But for most of them the number is less critical. So I'll discuss the reasons given for lateness at minyan, recognizing that with minor exceptions the same will apply to other events.

“My alarm clock didn't work.” Unlikely. But it's better than telling the truth. (“I didn't set the alarm.”) It's always better to blame something mechanicalⁱ – something that can't defend itself.

“I got to sleep late.” “I didn't sleep well.” “I'm not feeling well.” Certainly no one would expect you to endanger your health when the fates are arrayed against you.

“I had to take care of my children.” That's always good. Blame the kids. Or your spouse.ⁱⁱ It isn't your fault. Someone else is responsible. And speaking of responsibility, child care will earn you points.

In winter if it's snowing: “I couldn't dig the car out.” There's an escape clause for circumstances beyond our control.

Any other time of year if it isn't beautiful outside: “The weather was bad.” Okay. Your definition of “bad” is a little more expansive than everyone else's.

And when you can't blame the weather: “I was parked in.” Otherwise I surely would have been there.

Those, however, are the excuses. They're not the real reasons why people don't come or are late if they do. Some of the reasons have made their way into song titles: “Slowpoke,” “Undecided,” “Scatterbrain,” “Lazybones,” and “Mañana” are the less accusatory ones. But “Call Me Irresponsible” and “I Won't Grow Up” are more to the point.

Even those, however, don't get at the real problems – those of intent. For example, some people are always late by the same amount, irrespective of the schedule. They refuse to come on time. They want to be needed. It's not important to them that they've kept others waiting. In fact they may revel in that fact. That problem arises irrespective of the scheduled starting time. Late people will be late, no matter what you do. For some it is an exercise of power and for others it is a matter of fashion. It ensures that they will be noticed. Nine little Indians are desperate for the tenth. In any case, it is evidence that they don't care about others who are foolish enough to take schedules seriously. They have other priorities. They'll come in “the fullness of time.”ⁱⁱⁱ

Some claim that there is “Jewish time” (the same phenomenon exists in other cultures since indifference is not limited to a single group) and that they are not expected to be on time. A schedule is for Yekkies. ^iv They place some degree of sanctity on the time. An appointment is a promise. There is no such thing as “fashionably late.”

As for the tardy ones, being late also shortens the event for them. It makes davening, the prayer service, take less time. It gives them extra prep-time and allows them to get credit for attending with a smaller investment. It doesn't matter if it means that other have to wait. In fact, that may make it better.

What can be done about the problem? Nothing.^v Lean back and enjoy it. Whatever you do, don't try to accommodate them. If you try to move the schedule to something approximating their usual times, they'll change. As much as they offer excuses, they want to be late. All you'll accomplish is an even later time so you'll have to wait longer. They'll love it.

Next episode: “Make War, Not Love” – Evolution is evolution.



ADDENDUM – PLEASE NOTE:  Today is September 11, 2012 (some time after the original publication of this essay).  I just discovered that over a year ago I omitted "Make War, Not Love" and went on to the next essay.  Unfortunately I can't backdate it, so I'll put it in during this month – sometime in the next day or so.  But you'll know where it really belongs.  At least you'll know if you look back at old essays.


 

i     It's getting harder to do as more and more things get computerized. Computers are too stupid to make such “mistakes.” They'll respond the same way every time to whatever instructions they get from their human masters.

ii     He or she was sick, took too long to dress, wasn't ready to take responsibility for the children, etc. Different variations may be used depending on the event and who's invited. If the excuse is needed for a committee meeting at work, don't be late or absent too often. The job market is weak. And each grandmother can only die once. 
iii     Although they may interpret that to mean they'll come when they're good and ready, in “Yes Minister” it was clear that it meant “never.”

iv    Originally German Jews, but now, more loosely, applied to compulsive individuals who can't help but follow the rules.

v     “Que sera, sera.”