A
few minutes ago I heard on the radio that there was a new world record for
zombies. Guinness had certified it, and
that makes it official. 9,592 of our
greatest citizens had dressed up as zombies and participated in the Jersey
Shore “Zombie Walk” in Asbury Park, making it the largest assemblage of zombie
wannabes anywhere. Fortunately I wasn't
there. It's one of the many thousand of
events each year seeking the certificate that Guinness gives to individuals or
groups that have achieved the stardom of a “world's record.” It really doesn't matter what nature of the
“record” is,[i]
nor the attitude of the person or groups accomplishing it. He, or they, can claim to be “Number 1.”
It
all began in 1954.[ii] That's when Guinness first distributed its
book of world records. Although it was
originally intended as a giveaway so that pub patrons could settle their
disputes – presumably over a few more pints of Guinness Stout – it has, over
the years, become an industry of its own, with tens of millions of copies sold,
and with publication in, at last count, twenty-nine languages.[iii] In addition it has spawned other books,
television shows, at least one video game and, in cooperation with the Ripley
industry, museums. The history of the publication is easily
available and will not be reviewed here, only a consideration of the reasons
for its existence and popularity.
But
first, to get you in the spirit of the endeavor, in addition to the anticipated
sports records and some documentation of superlatives in the natural world,[iv] the
world is benefited by the knowledge of the identity of “the world's most
tattooed person,” the longest egg tossing distance, the world's largest biceps,
the fastest tightrope walk by a dog,[v] the
greatest number of people gathered in their underwear, and scads of others.[vi] These examples will give you some idea of the
importance of the information contained in the book.
As
to the reasons for the volume, there are three groups of people involved. The first, of course, includes the producers
of this valuable reference resource.
Their reasons are multiple, but even beyond the income from the tome,
itself, there is the value of the advertising both for the book and the brew
each time someone talks about some record certified by the Guinness book. There are also the revenues from the Extra
Stout, Foreign Extra, and Black Lager – with more drunk as citizens argue over
superlatives, and settle their arguments with the validation of the book.
The
second group consists of those who appear in the book. In some instances their fame was not under
their control or of their choosing[vii] while
others have exerted great time, effort, or resources in accomplishing their
goal. They, too, can be divided: those
who have set records in established events[viii] and
those who invent categories that might be acceptable to Guinness. They're narcissists chasing their fifteen
minutes of fame. Why else would anyone
seek glory by making the world's largest hot dog? One individual earned recognition for spending
the longest amount of time playing a particular computer game.[ix] It isn't that difficult to work out a
category in which there is unlikely to be any significant competition (or, for
that matter, an occurrence so narrowly defined that no one cares and it has no
significance except as a statistic[x]). Suresh Joachim Arulanantham broke the world
record for ironing (55 hours and 5 minutes, though it may have been broken
since) but I wonder how many people competed for that honor. Or organized a larger flash mob at the
Streetsville Bread and Honey Festival[xi] than
that of those recognized for that achievement.
There are many who want to be part of something larger than themselves.[xii] They're the kind of people who will dress up
as zombies for a few minutes of participation in a record. Others may not know of their participation,
but they do, and soon enough they'll tell you about it. They can't achieve something in any other
way, so they hitch their wagon to a star event. And I shouldn't omit those who seek the
record for the most records. In April,
2009, Guinness awarded that “honor,” "Person with the most
records," to Ashrita
Furman, who held 100 records. It may
have been broken since, but I don't really care.
The
last group includes those who read and quote the book. Having no lives of their own they cite the
alleged accomplishments of others. Some
of them may have had a little too much stout and may be high, but if they can
memorize and spout some of these meaningless statistics at the local establishment
they're sure to win the admiration of their drinking buddies. Most, however, like to read these
snippets. They're short and easily
digestible, and those who can remember them will take pride in their knowledge
of trivia. But they're really zombies,
wandering from place to place, scaring others with their “knowledge,” while
they accomplish nothing worthwhile.
In
the meantime, Guinness makes a fortune.
Next
episode: “Me, Myself, and I” -- I'm for me first.
[i] In
all candor, there are a few things that, for ethical reasons, Guinness will not
certify, but the chances are good that almost any quantifiable accomplishment
will be considered for mention.
[ii] Actually,
it began long before that, but Guinness organized it. People have always raised questions about the
“best” in every field and often fought over it.
The book was first published formally and sold in 1955.
[iv] It
was a question about the speed of Golden Plovers that started the whole thing.
[vi] For
just a sampling (small in terms of records) see
http://www.torontosun.com/2013/08/09/25-weird-guinness-world-records.
[vii] For
example Zeus, the world's tallest dog.
[viii] Like
the Olympics and other professional sporting events.
[ix] Grand
Theft Auto IV, in case you want to challenge him.
[x] Have
you ever heard for example, while listening to a baseball game, the citation of
the record for unassisted double plays in a Tuesday night-game in August?
[xi] http://www.mississauga.com/community-story/3126134-flash-mob-breaks-guinness-record-at-streetsville-bread-and-honey-festi/
[xii] Similarly
inspired people, though not seeking Guinness's recognition, were well described
by Eric Hoffer.
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