2014 – What's To Come

                                                                                                                                                                                             

I've been looking at some of my previous posts and noted that many of them were repetitive and dealt with the past. The messages are heart-felt, but it seems to me that while they offer important issues for you to consider, they are safe – too safe for me. Since I know everything (I've told you that already) it would be reasonable to let you know, as well as I do, what's on the horizon. So since today is 2,059^th anniversary of the Julian calendar, I've chosen today to offer my predictions (and with the assurance that they're from me, you know they're sure things) for the 2,060^th year. To wit:

  

1. There will be a major calamity involving a nuclear facility in China
   There will also be a meltdown in Hershey, Pennsylvania.
2. The LGBT movement will demand that one of its members be given the next open seat on the Supreme Court. The President will announce that such had been his intention since his last appointment.
3. Drones will be approved by the FAA for garbage delivery pickup.
4. The Chicago Cubs will win the Heisman Trophy and the Brooklyn Dodgers, who will come in second, will advise fans to “Wait 'til next year.”
5. Iran will complete production of an atom bomb and bomb Israel. The United States will condemn the action and demand talks.
6. Democrats and Republicans will compromise on several issues. (Actually, that's too bizarre a scenario for this list. We'll view it as “Possible but highly unlikely.”)
7. Bill Clinton will be chosen as Entertainer of the Year (for his saxophone playing) just beating out Nero.
8. Programs for the manufacture of sex toys will be marketed along with home 3D printers.
9. Recreational cocaine use is sure to be approved by voters and the City Council in Aspen, Colorado.
10. An earth probe from Mars will arrive in Roswell, New Mexico. (The Tea Party will demand a Constitutional amendment outlawing anything from the Red planet.)
11. “The Texas Chain Saw Exorcist's Cemetery On Elm Street – XIII” will make 423 million dollars during its first week.
12. The stock market will go up (or down) if it doesn't remain the same.
13. Severe weather anomalies will be common and Hell will freeze over.
14. Power Ball will pay out 1.791 billion dollars to a single winner who will donate it all to the care of abandoned ferrets.
15. Hugh Heffner and Gloria Steinem will be married.
16. Mexico will bar the immigration of all Americans.
17. Kim Jong Un, Sayyed Ali Khamenei and Vladimir Putin will receive the Nobel Prize for Peace “in anticipation of their future acts.”
18. The Supreme Court will strike down a lower limit on voting age, viewing it as unconstitutional. Instead, in order to determine voters' qualifications, they will prescribe a literacy test and a measure of maturity. Kaplan will offer courses in both within a few days of the ruling.
19. Rush Limbaugh will be cloned.
20. Pigs will fly.

These may not be completely accurate although I suspect that they will be for the most part. So don't tell me I didn't include you when I formulated this list and began disseminating all this inside information.

And may you live in interesting times.