Mixed Grill XV

Here are some more of the hash (not the illegal stuff – although it ought to be) that I've been serving. It consists of quotations, puns, and assorted comments. I enjoyed doing it, irrespective of the reception you give it.

Spoiler: And you thought you had suffered enough. Not yet. I've got more for you.

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Waterboard – Listening to “La mer” over and over again is torture

Mother of Pearl – Sadie

The Point of No Return – To keep money in the store's coffers on the day after the big sale

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half – Call Guinness

College dormitory – Misnomer. It's the city that never sleeps

I used to be a conformist and wear a crew cut. Now I'm a nonconformist – and wear a crew cut (Clem Labine in interview by Roger Kahn)

Fly by night – The flying Dutchman

Rin Tin Tin – Son of a bitch

Parmigian – For Italians on the go

European Union – Contradiction. A formulation of international statesmen, European intellectuals, and other oxymorons

Amazing Grace – A gentleman never tells

I see where you're coming from – Now go back

Ice box – Ali in Denali

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying (Woody Allen)

Eight track tape – Olympic-sized finish line for simultaneous events

None of the above – It's a miracle. She made sainthood and you can raise your head and pray to her

Run for the roses – Melissa Reese needs to change her stockings

Put it there – Instructions to Tiger Woods

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it (Lawrence J. Peter)

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – From the printing, through the staining, to the shredding of a five dollar bill.

Macadam Road – Right behind Lady Godiva. On the same horse. Fortunately he had what to hold on to. He was protecting her good name. Or whatever.

The Great American Pastime – Arguing about the great American past.

Burner phone - Kitchen communicator

Casual sex - LGBT variant. A new oppressed minority group to add to our victims list

Pianofort - Perhaps for a rich six year old with a water gun

Pupulist – One who adopted too many from the pound

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use (Søren Kierkegaard)

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Suffer some more next month.