Harebrained Schemes 7

And now for somethings entirely different.

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It's comforting to have someone with whom we can converse when we're in the mood. And it's especially comforting when we know that party won't disclose any of our secrets or gossip about us. That confidant needn't be human but should appear to be. And a non-human buddy would be ideal.

For this reason I am suggesting a human-appearing robot which is attached to the real news (including political news and opinions) as well as the social media and the Library of Congress, and which can, because it possesses extensive artificial intelligence, speak or debate with you on any subject. It would be respectful in addition to being knowledgeable.

The robot could be of whatever sex, gender, or orientation you prefer, and of any race that you specify. Its language and style of speech would be designated by the "owner" (is the robot advanced enough for this to be considered slavery?) as would political orientation and social outlook. Everyone could design the ideal foil for his or her views. You'd have someone to talk to and no cost for his or her room and board. And no one to find fault with your views or otherwise insult you.

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Everything is moving faster nowadays. It's hard to keep up. And if it's hard for us, imagine how difficult it must be for the disabled. Society is attempting to meet their needs but how can it? It's certainly something that merits attention. And it's a situation that can be fixed.

All it would take is an improvement in the walkers that the disabled (that's probably not a PC term, but what the hell) use. Make them faster. And that simply requires a motorized walker. Take off the yellow tennis balls and replace them with wheels. Then insert a moter that will operate according to the controls which will be in the hands of the operator. In addition to the motor the controls will include a horn, brakes, a radio, blue tooth capability, and all the other bells and whistles. A skateboard will come with each walker (although it's not actually a "walker" anymore. "Slick segway for the seniors" would be a more appropriate term even though it would have four wheels) so moving the feet wouldn't be necessary.

A "driverless" version would follow (temporally, not actually).

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Alphabet Soap – It's never too early to start educating your children. Baby Einstein and Mozart didn't do it, but there's a better approach. Soap in the form of letters (Latin, Cyrillic, Arabic, and all other alphabets – even cuneiform and other ancient languages for the potential geniuses) would be ideal since babies are so often washed and so happy with warm water. Parental conversation would cover what the letter is and some of the words it can start or be used in. A quick start and your children will be doing New York Times crossword puzzles before pre-school.

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Better things for better living through demonstrable excogitation. Look it up.

August 25, 2017